Batman said that Robin was ill and he had to look after him. A little disappointed,  Superman called Spiderman to see if he fancied a few beers, but Spiderman had a date with Catwoman. 

As a last resort,  Superman flew over to Wonderwoman's apartment to see if she was free.  He landed on her balcony, and saw Wonderwoman naked on the bed with her legs wide open.  Superman thought to himself "I'm  faster than a speeding bullet! I can go in there, have sex and gone before she knows what happened." 

Superman did his super thing in a split second and flew off happily. Meanwhile on the bed, Wonderwoman said  "Did you hear anything?" 
  
and the Invisible Man replied "No! But my Butt hurts like hell !!!! 

The guy slams the phonedown and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.  Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the wardrobe floor.  "You bastard,"says the husband, "my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around with no clothes on scaring the kids!" 

One summer night, Bob passed away in his sleep after watching the Yankee victory earlier in the evening. He died happy. A few nights later, his buddy Earl awoke to the sound of Bob's voice from beyond. 

"Bob is that you?" Earl asked. 
"Of course it me," Bob replied. 
"This is unbelievable!" Earl exclaimed. "So tell me, is there base ball in heaven?" 

"Well I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which do you want to hear first?" 

"Tell me the good news first." 

"Well, the good news is that yes there is baseball in heaven, Earl." 

"Oh, that is wonderful! So what could possibly be the bad news?" 

"You're pitching tomorrow night." 

The Smiths, a young couple, have no children and had decided to use the services of a proxy father to start their family.  Mrs. Smith, naturally, was apprehensive, but she desperately wished for children and agreed with her husband on this issue.  A proxy father was due to arrive that day. Leaving for work, Mr. Smith said,  "I'm off.  The government man should be here soon." 

Moments later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell,  hoping to make a sale. 

"Good morning, madam.  You don't know me, but I've come to ..."  The salesman started to say. 

"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you."  Mrs. Smith cut in. 

"Really?"  The photographer asked.  "Well, good!  I've made a specialty of babies,  especially twins." 

"That's what my husband and I had hoped.  Please come in and have a seat."  The photographer came in and sat down. "Then you don't need to be sold on the idea?"
"Don't concern yourself.  My husband and I both agree this is the right thing to do."  Mrs. Smith offered. 

The photographer decided to see if he could close the deal. "Well, perhaps we should get right down to it." 

"Just where do we start?"  Mrs. Smith asked, blushing. 
"Leave everything to me."  He said, full of confidence now that he figured he had this  deal closed.  "I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed.  Sometimes the living room floor allows the subject to really spread out." 

"Bathtub, living room floor?"  Mrs. Smith asked, her eyes avoiding his.  "No wonder it hasn't worked for Harry and me." 

"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time, but if we try several locations and I shoot from six or seven angles.  I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results. In  fact, my business card says, "'I aim to please.'" 

Mrs. Smith smoothed her skirt and said, "Pardon me, but isn't this all a little informal?"

"Madam, in my line of work, a man must be at ease and take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be  disappointed with that." 

"Don't I know!"  Mrs. Smith exclaimed. "Have you had much success at this?" 

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures.
"Just look at this picture. Believe it or not, it was done on top of a bus in downtown
London." 

"Oh my!"  Mrs. Smith said, tugging at her hankerchief. 

"And here are pictures of the prettiest twins in town. They turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."  The photographer handed Mrs. Smith the picture. "She was?" 

"Yes, I'm afraid so.  I finally had to take her down to Hyde Park to get the job done right.  I've never worked under such impossible conditions.  People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look." 

"Four and five deep?"  Mrs. Smith asked, her eyes now widened in stunned amazement. 

"Yes," the photographer said. "And for more than three hours, too.  The mother got so excited she started bouncing around, squealing and yelling at the crowd.  I couldn't  concentrate. I'm afraid I had to ask a couple of men to restrain her.  By that time, darkness was approaching and I began to rush my shots.  When the squirrels began  nibbling on my equipment I just  packed it all in." 

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your, eh.., equipment?" 

"That's right, but it's all in a day's work."  He replied."I  consider  my work a pleasure.  I've spent years perfecting my patented  technique. Now take this baby, I shot this one in the front window of a big department store." 

"I just can't believe it."  Mrs. Smith said, shaking her head, wondering  what she had  gotten herself into. 

"Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work." 

"TRIPOD?"  Mrs. Smith looked worried now. "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my equipment on. It's much too heavy and unwieldy for me to hold while I'm shooting. 

Madam? Madam? Are you okay ???  Good Lord, she's fainted!"