[ スハルト大統領 ] [ 紙幣 ] [ PICTURE JOKES 1 ] [ PICTURE JOKES 2 ] [ PICTURE JOKES 3 ] [ PICTURE JOKES 4 ] [ PICTURE JOKES 5 ] [ PICTURE JOKES 6 ] [ PICTURE JOKES 7 ] [ PICTURE JOKES 8 ] [ PICTURE JOKES 9 ] [ PICTURE JOKES 10 ] [ JOKES TO READ 1 ] [ JOKES TO READ 2 ] [ JOKES TO READ 3 ]

スハルトが斡旋する学校 (Pak Harto's School) 

The modern college graduate is often faced with many initiations for which he or  she has no appropriate recourse because the problem is too trivial to hire a lawyer to resolve. Also, many professions and activities are in fact the practice of sorcery,  only disguised to avoid religious conflict. The PAK HARTO College of Sorcery was  established to provide graduates with skills not taught at traditional institutions in the traditional ways. 
  
WARNING. Students attaining proficiency in one of the disciplines of Sorcery are advised to be somewhat circumspect in the use of their new skills, as the practice  of Sorcery is frowned upon in many jurisdictions.  

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DEPARTMENT OF ALCHEMY 

ALCHEMY 101: TRANSFORMATION OF WASTE INTO GOLD  
Conventional and unconventional approaches to recycling are covered. This  is where you learn the real truth on "What is wealth?" and how do you make this from out of nothing. Get many tips from David Walsh and Geologist De Guzman's noted. 

ALCHEMY 102: INDUSTRIAL ALCHEMY  
Experiments on how to add chemicals and coloring to food without causing cancer.  Note: This course may be canceled if federal laws protecting human health are  abolished. Here, learn the secrets on how to adjust your body color so you don't get "Hit" unmistakingly by angry mobs. 

ALCHEMY 103: TRANSFORMATION INTO WASTE  
The ability to turn valuable objects into garbage is widely appreciated. Learn how to demolish a building, how to burn cars efficiently and quickly. More courses to come later this year. 

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DEPARTMENT OF ASTROLOGY 

ASTROLOGY 103: SYNDICATED HOROSCOPES  
"Cancer Today you are about to have an opportunity to get rich." Learn the tricks  of famous Astrologers in writing newspaper horoscopes that apply to everyone.  Example: no horoscope predicts you are destined to wander home-less among strangers in a hostile land. Use the media and your readings to lead a whole nation in one direction at your wish. Hitler also took this course. 

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DEPARTMENT OF GEOMANCY 

GEOMANCY 104: LOCATING MINING CLAIMS  
How to stake a claim on public land, dig a hole, and obtain free and clear title from  the Indonesian Government is also covered. Students are given free "Oil field  Detector" for trial.  

GEOMANCY 105: OIL AND GAS LIMITED PARTNERSHIPS  
How to convert worthless oil and gas leases into millions of dollars through syndication of oil and gas limited partnerships is the focal point. [Texas residents and Sumatra residents are not permitted to purchase these Course Materials.]  

GEOMANCY 106: LOCATION OF UNDERGROUND UTILITY LINES  
Beneath the surface of our cities are vast arrays of sewer pipes, gas lines, electric  and telephone lines, fiber optic systems, and television cable lines. A proficient Geomancer can make big money assisting construction companies in the location of this infra-structure before the digging of trenches. Potential to take course in a "profitable underground project" may be held after settling political matters.  

GEOMANCY 107: REAL ESTATE DEVELOPMENT  
How to make a swamp, desert, slum area look like valuable ground to strangers  with cash. Good course if you are going into Real Estate businesses. 

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DEPARTMENT OF NECROMANCY 

NECROMANCY 101: BODY LANGUAGE  
How to determine the cause of death from the chalk outline of a body. Also get "Top Pro" lectures on how to determine the bodies if it was hit by a sniper or an ordinary people. Learn the secrets to determine bodies whether if it was tortured   r just plain death. 

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DEPARTMENT OF MAGIC 

MAGIC 106: BLUE SKY AND WATER  
Magic as applied in a business setting. Students will be expected to create at least one corporation out of nothing more than blue sky and water, which offers a  product for which no production version exists, and sell shares of its stock to  unsophisticated investors. Emphasis on Automobile (Sports car),  Airliners, Road  Construction companies, Banks, Real Estate and Oil companies. 

MAGIC 107: FINANCIAL REPORTS  
How to prepare many annual financial report that makes millions of dollars and Rupiah disappear into your Swiss bank account  without the auditors finding out.  Great course for lawyers,  accountants, borrowers, ex-cons, president directors  and self owners. Prerequisite: having opened a Swiss bank account.  

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DEPARTMENT OF MASS COMMUNICATIONS 

[The casting of pictures and sound through the air is one of the modern forms of  magic. This program emphasizes the magical application of mass communications] 
 

MASS COMMUNICATION 108: TELEVISION SYNDICATION  
How to produce a television program that will make a zillions of dollars in syndication.   This program requires participants to watch every episode of Pak on National  
Television.  

MASS COMMUNICATION 109: PUBLIC RELATIONS  
The art of making a person or corporation seem like a good citizen when they are destroying the atmosphere or poisoning our drinking water or the fresh air of Asian countries smothered by Borneo smoke has been detailed by our guest public  relations executive from a nameless chemical company and Department of  Forestry currently being sued for billions of dollars.  

MASS COMMUNICATION 110: NETWORK NEWS WRITING  
How to make a news story match your personal bias while appearing to be  "objective". 

MASS COMMUNICATION 187: CREATION OF STEREOTYPES FOR POLITICAL  PURPOSES
Indonesia's mass media has a long and sullied history of inventing stereotypes that color the national political debate. For example, since the advent of the debate over the East Timorian Rebels, you will never see a rich, well educated, articulate citizen of RI on a major television network. All you see are "illegal aliens".  How to shoot  videotape for the nightly news that focuses on  certain classes of people in  negative ways. 

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DEPARTMENT OF SORCERY 

SORCERY 201: THE MODERN PRACTICE OF SORCERY  
One definition of the modern practice of sorcery is the making happen of some thing that is totally improbable at the time it is first suggested. Case study on  how Pak got his powers and reigned the country for more than 3 decades.  [Please note that there is considerable debate among our Faculty as to whether  Pak is a "good" sorcerer, or an "evil" sorcerer. We do not take no position on  
the subject]  

SORCERY 202: MAKING THINGS DISAPPEAR  
There are vast job opportunities in the Government bodies for the qualified sorcerer who can make the countries budget deficits disappear into thin air without the foreign lenders (or even Internal Affairs Department) noticing that it has disappeared.  Also test study why the abducted students just disappeared into thin air and returned home suddenly. (using Tele-Transportation" power). 

SORCERY 203: POTIONS  
Learn how to combine common household chemicals and claim the result makes skin whiter, hair grow, women look younger, or people start giving you money without any reasons. Many Asian Dictators, Prime ministers are a graduate of this course. Advanced Course  Materials involve the creation of an Infomercial.  

SORCERY 204: SPELLS AND SPIN CONTROL  
Students will watch tapes of the 1997 General Election and the Presidential Election. Study the success of the spin masters in creating the illusion of political parties that care about poor people, women, and minorities and which are peopled with pro family advocates. 
 

SORCERY 205: ADVERTISING  
The creation of advertising is most common of all sorcerous activities. This  year, our course will look at the preparation of advertising that convinces millions of  people to smoke millions of cigarettes, buy millions of high fashioned Porsche or  a  Lamborghini Diablo sports car in order to look cool, even though the results are highly lethal, nepotism and fraud. 

SORCERY 206: IMMORTALITY  
How people have been convinced that if they eat right, avoid cancer causing substances, and jog regularly, they will live forever and get power in the end. 

SORCERY 207: DUELING SORCERERS  
Every five years, each presidential candidate employees a "strategist" or  "media wizard" to try and convince the public that their candidate is a Saint who will save human kind, and the opponent as a Satan who will destroy economic life as we know it. Review of the 1998 Presidential Election  Campaign to spot the handiwork of each candidates' sorcerers. 

SORCERY 208: LOBBYING  
Lobbyists are among the most numerous modern sorcerers. Learn how lobbyists kill beneficial consumer and environmental  legislation, get bills passed that confer  outrageous gasoline tax benefits or any tax on corporations, and  manage to avoid  every attempt at regulating their behind-the-scenes influence. 

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DEPARTMENT OF MODERN WITCHCRAFT 

WITCHCRAFT 301: BASIC MODERN CURSES  
Practical guidance in dealing with everyday irritations, such as having your car  burned, house windows smashed, stores being robbed and burnt or even getting  your dear friends abducted.  Minor curses are included allowing you to make the opponent give up or turn crazy, suffer in pain. Tips on how to unobtrusively  collect hair and fingernail samples of targets (try the hair salon or a Karaoke bar). 

WARNING: The use of animal sacrifice is seriously  offensive to many people, thus toys are recommended. 

WITCHCRAFT 302: ADVANCED CURSES  
The Final Exam requires students to turn the debt collectors into frogs and cockroaches.  

WITCHCRAFT 303: SWIMMING  
It is suggested that anyone attempting to learn the practice of witchcraft also  learn how to swim. Especially underwater skill and being able to hold breath for  up to 5 minutes or more under  the water is highly required. 

WITCHCRAFT 304: FAMILIARS  
The identification of a demon or spirit to serve you is an extremely important element of modern witchcraft. How to determine f your pet cat or dog is in fact a familiar. These lovable pets can be dwelled upon so as to harm to you when  you are in your sleep. 

WITCHCRAFT 305: BROOMS  
How to use portable vacuum cleaners for nightly transportation. Taxi and buses are too expensive nowadays. Witches do the cheap way. Learn the secrets and go to Australia and Bali so you do  not have to pay Sempati or Garuda Airways. 

WITCHCRAFT 306: CAT & CHICKEN LANGUAGE  
Learn how to understand and communicate with your cat and chickens. Final exam requires the student to have learned their cat's and chicken's true name. 

WITCHCRAFT 307: FASHION DESIGN  
Pointed black hats are definitely out of style. How to dress stylishly while cooking up a caldron of eyes of newt. Witch craft is forbidden in many countries so learn how to dress neat and yet still get your target "Effectively and Neatly. 

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ANYONE WHO STARTS PASSING THIS AROUND VIA EMAIL WITHOUT GIVING PAK, THE FOUNDER OF THIS GREAT COLLEGE A CREDIT WILL  BE TURNED INTO A KIDNEY STONE AND BURNED.     

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