| Nude Beach
Two parents take their son on vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water. He comes running up to his mom and says.. "Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!" The mom says "the bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says.. "Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy's!" Mom says.."the bigger they are, the dumber they
are." "Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!" |
| Insult A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The busdriver said: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. "The bus driver insulted me," she fumed. The man sympathized and said: "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers." "You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind." "That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey." |
| Pregnant
Since the wife is eight months into her pregnancy, the husband has to sleep on the floor to avoid any regrettable mistake, which might happen pretty easily, for he has been desperate for quite a while now.... Just before lying down on the bed, she glances at him and sees the poor guy curls up on the floor, eyes stare widely into the empty air, filled with hopeless desire... Feeling sorry for her husband, she opens the top drawer of the cabinet, takes out a fifty dollar bill, and gives it to him: Awww, my honey is so depressed... here, take this and go to the woman next door,she will let you sleep with her tonight... and remember that this happens only once... ok?... don't think about it again. The husband rolls his eyes in disbelief, but afraid that he may change her mind, he grabs the money and leaves quickly. A few minutes later, he returns, hands the bill back to the wife and says with much disappointment: She said this is not enough, she wants sixty.. The wife's face slowly turns red with anger: Damn that bitch...when she was pregnant and her husband came over here... I charged him only fifty |
| Skunk A man and a woman are driving along when they see a wounded skunk on the side of the road. They stop, the woman gets out, picks it up, and brings it into the car. She says, "Look, it's shivering...it must be cold. What should I do honey...? " He says, "Put it between your legs." She says, "What about the smell?" He says, "Hold its nose you stupid!" |
| Baked Beans Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a maddening passion baked beans. He loved them, but the beans always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. Then one day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, "She is such a sweet and gentle woman. She will never go for this kind of carrying on." So, he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. They were married shortly thereafter. Some months later, his car broke down on the way home from work and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk home. On his way, he passed a small cafe and the aroma of freshly baked beans was overwhelming. Since he still had several miles to walk, he figured he would work off any ill effects before he got home, so he stopped a the cafe. Before leaving, he had eaten three large orders of the best baked beans he'd had in years. All the way home, he farted and farted, and after arriving, felt reasonably safe that he had farted his last. His dear wife seemed somewhat agitated and excited to see him and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for dinner tonight." She then blindfolded him and led him to his chair at the head of the dining room table. He seated himself and just as she was ready to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She made him vow not to touch the blindfold until she returned, and then went to answer the phone. He seized the opportunity, lifted his weight to one leg, and let it go. It was not only loud, but as ripe as rotten eggs. He took the napkin from his lap and vigorously fanned the air around him. Things had just returned to normal when another urge coming on him, so he shifted his weight to the other leg and let go again. This was a true prize winner ! While keeping his ear on the conversation in the
hall, he went on like this for ten minutes, until he knew the phone farewells
indicated an end to his loneliness, and freedom. He placed his napkin on his lap and
folded his hands on top of it, and smiling contentedly to himself, was the picture of
innocence when his wife returned apologizing for
taking so long. Twelve dinner guests seated around the table for a 'Happy Birthday' party for him. All had the disgust on their faces and fanning the air vigorously for fresh air !! |
| The tales of the Little Sparrow There was a lazy little sparrow that wasn't quite ready to fly south for the winter. He was having too much fun doing nothing, and the weather wasn't cold enough for him to fly south just yet. Well, when the weather finally did get too cold for him to play, he decided that he had better start flying south. As he was flying, he flew into a snow storm that froze his little body. He fell all the way back down, crashing through the roof of a barn, and landed next to a large cow. The cow turned around and shit on him. The shit was so nice and warm that it melted his little body. The little sparrow was so happy to be alive that he started to chirp and sing out loud. A nearby cat had heard the singing and dug the little sparrow out of the shit and ate him. The moral of this story? The people who put you through shit aren't
necessarily your enemies, and the ones who get you out of that shit aren't
necessarily your friends....so if you are warm and happy sitting in a pile of shit... |
| When you have some New ones, please send to me if you
like..Excite city....the town where they do have fun ! JJKuni@excite.co.jp |