| The Flight
Surinder's uncle was booked into a flight to Bombay. But as this was his first time in an aeroplane, he made a few preparations that were out of place. When the stewardess came around to take orders for the in-flight meal, the uncle declared loudly, "I have brought my own lunch. Make sure you don't charge me for food and drinks!" So, as everybody was given their in-flight meal, the uncle began spreading out his own home-cooked meal. The man sitting next to him was an American history researcher, who was curious about the food. "Excuse me,what is that drink?" he asked. The uncle picked up the yoghurt-based lassi drink and said, "Milk of India!" Then the uncle took out several pieces of chappati and started feasting. "And what is that dish?" asked the curious American. "Wheat of India!" replied the uncle proudly. Finally, the uncle took out some desserts. He offered some to the American. "What is it?" asked the American. "Sweet of India!" replied the old man. After the meal, everyone was settling down when there was a loud "Pooooooooooot!" from the uncle's ass. "What was that?" asked the American, holding his nose in disgust. The old man replied coolly, "That's Air India!" |
| Must be read with with an Italian Accent,
preferably out loud!） One day ima gonna Malta to a bigga hotel. Ina morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis of toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I want two piss. She say go to the toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna two piss on my plate. She say you better not piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she call me sonna ma bitch ! Later I go to a bigga restaurant. The waitress bring
me spoon and knife but no fock. I tella her
I wanna fock. She tell me everyone wanna fock. I tella her you no understand. I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the
table, you sonna ma bitch. So I got pissed and go back to my rooma inna hotel and there is no shits onna my bed. So I call the manager and tella him I wanna shit. He tella me go to toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna shit on my bed. He say you better not shit on my bed, you sonna ma bitch. So I go to the check out and the man at the desk say ; "Peace on you". I say "Piss on you too", you sonna ma bitch, ima go back to Italy. |
| Jack Schitt Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says: You don't know Jack Schitt." Now you can handle this situation. You can tell them that not only do you know Jack Schitt, and you know his entire family! : Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt and Oh Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Oh Schitt, the owner of Knee-deep N.Schitt Inc. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply religious couple produced six children: Holy Schitt, their first, unfortunately passed on shortly after childbirth. Next came twin sons, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt; two daughters, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt; and another son Bull Schitt. Against his parent's objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout! Dip Schitt married Lotta Schitt and they produced a son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable through out their childhood, and married the Happens brothers in joyous ceremony. The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg Schitt, Byrdd Schitt and Horace Schitt. Bull Schitt the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned to the farm with his new Italian Bride, Peesa Schitt on his arm. The young couple are awaiting the imminent arrival of Baby Schitt. Now when someone tells you that you don't know Jack Schitt, you can correct them as you know them all !!. |
| To : All Employee From : SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING In order to assure that we continue to produce the highest quality work possible, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of Special High Intensity Training (S.H.I.T.). We are giving our employees more S.H.I.T. than any other office on our industry. If you feel you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your supervisor. You will be placed on top of the S.H.I.T. list for Special attention. All of our supervisors are particularly qualified to see that you get all th S.H.I.T. you can handle at your own speed. If you consider yourself to be trained enough already, you may be interested in helping us to train others. We can add to our Basic Understanding Lecture List, Special High Intensity Training (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.). If you have any furhter questions, please address them to our Head of Training Special Intensity Training - (H.O.T.S.H.I.T.) program, or the Special High Intensity Training Head in your Department - (S.H.I.T. Head) Thank you for your kind attention. From : Boss in General, Special High
Intensity Training (B.I.G.S.H.I.T.) PPS - Failure of this course qualifies you for the Definite Employee Elimination Program of Special High Intensity Training - (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T.) |
| Stanley Once upon a time there was a sperm named Stanley who lived inside a famous movie actor. Stanley was a very healthy sperm. He'd do push-ups and somersaults and limber himself up all the time, while the other sperm just lay around on their fat asses not doing a thing. One day, one of them became curious enough to ask Stanley why he exercised all day. Stanley said, "Look, pal, only one sperm gets a woman pregnant and when the right time comes, I am going to be that one." A few days later, they all felt themselves getting hotter and hotter, and they knew that it was getting to be their time to go. They were released abruptly and, sure enough, there was Stanley swimming far ahead of all the others. All of a sudden, Stanley stopped, turned around, and began to swim back with all his might "Guys, Go back! Go back!" he screamed. "It's a blow job!" |
| Small penis A man is very ashamed of his penis because of the size. He has an extremely small penis and doesn't want his girlfriend to dump him when she sees the size. One night when he and his girlfriend are making out in a dark corner he decides he will show her. The man unzips his pants, whips out his small dick, and shoves it into her hand. He sits there impatiently waiting to see her reaction. His girlfriend says, "Thanks for offering, but I don't smoke." |
| CRAZY PATIENT A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to cut a piece of wood in half. Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet as if he was a bat. The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm cutting this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired him what Patient #2 was doing hanging upside down from the ceiling... Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red as he has been there for a long time upside down. The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself" Patient #1 replies, "What? And I have to work
in the dark?!" |
| Dennis Rodman's Tattoo A woman is picked up by Dennis Rodman in a bar. They liked each other and she goes back with him to his hotel room. He removes his shirt revealing all his tattoos and she sees that on his arm is one which reads, Reebok". She thinks that's a bit odd and asks him about it. Dennis says, "When I play basketball, the cameras pick up the tattoo and Reebok pays me for advertisement." A bit later, his pants are off and she sees "Puma" tattooed on his leg. He gives the same explanation for the unusual tattoo. Finally, the underwear comes off and she sees the word "AIDS" tattooed on his penis. She jumps back with shock. "I'm not going to do it with a guy who has AIDS!" He says, "Hey cool it baby, in a minute it's going to say "ADIDAS" |
| When you have some New ones, please send to me if you
like..Excite city..... JJKuni@excite.co.jp |